That was the topic of our marriage class last week. Well, actually, it was Unity, but this is one of the things that we talked about. One of the guys (with a horribly overbearing wife...) said he has never understood how he could preside in his home or how to go about it. I didn't know until a few days later after I had been thinking about it for a while.
I was thinking about Adam and Eve and how Adam promised to follow the counsel of the Lord and how Eve promised to follow Adam's counsel as he followed the Lord. I thought it was interesting. He was presiding, but he was doing it the right way...humbly following the Lord and keeping close to His spirit so he would know what he should do. And Eve was following Adam, but only if Adam was following the Lord. And it's interesting that Eve could choose to follow her husband's counsel...he didn't demand that of her or force her to do what he said. They made the Lord their partner in the marriage and as long as He was leading, they were headed in the right direction.
So what do you all think? How do you guys preside in righteousness in your home?
Then we had a paper called "Determining Who Should Decide" and we were supposed to think of the five ways decisions could be made and then decide how they should be made in certain situations. The five ways are:
1. The husband and wife decide together.
2. The wife decides after consulting with her husband.
3. The husband decides after consulting with his wife.
4. Only the wife decides.
5. Only the husband decides.
And then these are the situations. Write down what you think and what your spouse thinks and compare them. It's interesting!
1. Where should the family live?
2. What job should the husband take?
3. How many hours should the husband work?
4. How many children should the couple have?
5. When should they have children?
6. How and when should they discipline their children?
7. Should the wife work outside the home?
8. What job should the wife take if she works outside the home?
9. If the wife works outside the home, how many hours should she work?
10. What hobbies should the wife pursue?
11. How much time should the couple spend with family and friends?
12. How should the couple spend their money?
13. What fitness program should either participate in to stay in shape?
14. When should the couple buy a new car?
15. How should the husband spend a birthday gift certificate?
16. How much money should the couple donate to the church or a charity?
17. How much time should they spend in church activities?
18. How much should the wife discipline a child when the husband is not at home?
19. How much time should each spouse spend pursuing hobbies or interests?
20. Where and when should the family go on vacation?
21. What math class should the wife sign up for?
22. How should a husband spend a day off from work?
Anyway, I thought it was an interesting test. From the responses in the class a lot of people had a lot of different ideas. James and I only had a couple that were different.
So how did you all do? Was your thinking pretty in line with each other or were there big differences?
5 comments:
I think Russell and I would have very different answers on some of the questions. sometimes I think we more exist in the same house together rather than share in the decisions, activities, etc. On the outside we appear to be happy, but I really think we have very different opinions that are just set aside to keep the peace. I think if we try a little harder happiness won't just be an appearance but a reality.
Thanks for sharing your lessons with us. I think we need it.
dan would probably say the way we keep the peace is by him saying 'yes dear'! i am grateful though that we are on the same page on most things. dan's imagination tends to run a bit more wild than mine, but i think that allows us to balance each other. i also think dan has a lot of respect for me. i don't know if that comes from getting married later in life or what. but, he always asks my opinion on everything. even when i don't care. i appreciate him caring enough to ask.
i also think we have learned to be a lot less self fish. so many problems or disagreements in marriage come from selfishness. sometimes you'r going to have to do things you don't want to do. and vice versa.
thanks for sharing!
You wouldn't think that decision making could cause so many hurt feelings. But it can (and does!) sometimes. I think it's easier, though, if you can talk about who makes what decisions before you are having to make a big decision, it will make things a little easier. At least you will be able to see where the other person is coming from, and sometimes that makes all the difference.
I remember when we were first married it was really hard to decide which parents to spend holidays with. We eventually worked it out, but it was a struggle. And then there are so many feelings involved. I would feel hurt if James didn't want to spend time with 'my' family and he would feel the same about 'his' family. When we finally realized that we both wanted the same thing, and it wasn't a bad thing, we were able to make some compromises.
James is really good at asking what I think about things and I really appreciate him for that. And I try to talk with him about things that are important to me as well. If we don't talk about what we need or expect (and let our spouse do the same) they aren't going to know.
I feel for you Elisha! I think Russ would be a really hard person to be married to! (And Dan too!) =] But I think that Heavenly Father wants us to truly be happy in our marriages, not just look happy on the outside. And He's given us ways to do that. (Being humble goes a long way for both spouses!) Good luck! *hug*
I think we are making progress, hurt feelings on my part don't occur as often. I have realized that it is ok for me to go out and enjoy my outdoor activities without him. The bonus is Nathan loves to be outside so it is easy to take him with and give Russ his alone time. I know Rachel loves to follow James and it is good that he can take her on his outdoor adventures and appease his need to be out as well. Kids are a really good thing. We are blessed to have one and I hope to have more. May be we will each end up with some that like Russ's activities and some that like mine. I think progress is slow and something we each have to work for daily. Thanks for your insites, it is good to share and get other ideas and insights.
We've never really had much trouble getting along, which is not to say that we've never had arguments or disagreements, because we've had our share. I think that Annie has it right though: we just try not to be selfish.
Who would have thought I could do that? Not me. It's not always easy to put someone else's needs, desires, and feelings above my own, but it's worth it. By each of us giving up a little we both get much more in return.
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