I had no idea, but I guess it's true because people keep telling me that. And telling her that. Which is really sad. No one needs to be told they are annoying. Even if they are. And especially if they are only five.
It makes me wonder what is going to happen when she goes to school next month. I mean, I think she is adorable, but will the other kids? Kids can be really mean to other kids. Especially when they are different. And Mikayla is definitely different. I don't worry about her academically, except maybe that she will be bored. She is reading chapter books to us. If she is reading chapter books, how boring is kindergarten going to be for her? What is she going to do when she is so bored learning the names of the letters (that she has known for years!)? What are the other kids going to think when she is reading so well and wanting to answer all the questions (because she knows the answers)? (I took her to Megan's first grade class last year and she was the only one in the class that knew Wednesday came before Thursday...!) But I do worry about her socially.
We had some friends over to play the other day and Megan and Sarah "played" with Mikayla...sort of. Those two played together and they "let" Mikayla live in a house down the street by herself. It breaks my heart when no one will include her. It seems to happen a lot lately. Or maybe I'm just noticing it more. She's an awesome little girl with a great imagination, but no one can see that because all they can see is that she is annoying or that she talks a lot or she asks lots of questions. And it breaks my heart.
I'll be the first to admit that she can be difficult. I should know, I'm with her all day every day. But does that mean that it's ok to be rude to her or snap at her or ignore her or tease her? Does it mean that she doesn't have feelings that get hurt when she's not included or people (grown-ups included) say mean things to her?
So I guess my question is, what can I do as her mother to help her? Not help her change who she is, because that's not fair to her. (And frankly, if you don't like who she is, there's nothing I can do about that anyway!) But to help her interact with other people better. Because honestly, right now I'm ready to just avoid all interactions with anyone until she grows up (or they do!) I don't want to have to stay away from social situations because other people don't like my kids, but I don't want to bring them and have other people say unkind things to them either.
So where does that leave me? Honestly I have no idea. I'm grasping at straws here. But she's got less than a month until school starts, so I need to think of something. And fast.
6 comments:
I wouldn't say "the" annoying kid as if she's the only one, 'cause she aint. As you mentioned there are attributes that make her not get along as well with older children and even adults, but that is just as much the older children and adults fault as hers, maybe more so. She is 5 years old and very intelligent; I wonder if anyone has stopped to tell her that asking the same question a million times bothers people, I know I haven't. I've never told her to look and observe the situations going on around her before asking questions either. I used to drive mom crazy cause I'd ask her questions when she was on the phone. It really bothered me when she had time to yell "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" but not time to hear my question. I see now though how annoying it was. I think the biggest thing you can do is absolutely not let any child think it's okay to keep asking till they get what they want. No means No, it has to, every time. It can't mean "no" right now and "we'll see" later that evening. Get everyone on the same page, we aren't raising your daughter every day. If we need to be patient with her let us know. If we need to say "no" really harshly and severly let us know. We don't get to see the lab results from your home laboratory of how you've found best to raise your children. I treat Kayla like I would Nathan because that's how I treat children. Misty and Dave treat Kayla like Zach and Kami, Laura and Danny etc etc etc. If Nathan asked me the same question 15 times in 30 seconds I would freak out at him too. That's just usually not his issue. Anyway, let us know what we can do, cause we all think we are being the best parents we can be. But, don't be afraid to take our advice either. Don't make any unwanted behavior "normal" behavior.
My suggestion would be to let people say mean things... she seems to handle it pretty well, even if you don't. She'll make friends, and she'll do well in school even if she's bored, and she'll get picked on, like every kid gets picked on. I had a kid twice my size slam my locker 2-12 times a day for about a month in middle school. She'll do what I did and what every kid did, either take it or fight back. I don't think she's annoying, at least not more than any other kid I've met. I know I don't know how to deal with her sometimes. I don't want to yell at her when she's being "annoying".... but that's all I've ever seen work with her sometimes. I know there are better ways, but let me know what they are because I can only try what I know works with the kids I've dealt with, as anyone else will only try what they know works. But don't worry about her, just be there for her, as long as she knows that home is a good place she'll be absolutely fine.
I don't know what the answer is. I know that as a parent my heart breaks when I see my children hurt or struggling. I belive sometimes the only thing we can do is pray for them. Proberbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy way acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths. I know from experience that praying for our kids and those they associate with can do for them what we can't. Remember, they are our Heavenly Father's children and he loves them and knows how to help them and can inspire us as their guardians here on earth on how to help. He will help you know what to do and how to handle the situations if you trust in him.
I hope this helps, I know it was quite preachy. Margaret
If I remember my own childhood correctly, I was a lot like her. I was definitely different and hard to get along with. In fact, I still am. Maybe it's the curse of being the third child, I dunno.
One thing I know for sure, though, is that people say mean things. People do mean things. They do, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it. At some point in all of our lives each of us has to deal with adversity and choose how we'll deal with it.
I still remember in 5th grade sitting on the floor listening to some teacher say something or other (it's not that I've forgotten what was said, just that I was paying no attention whatsoever) and Jose Flores (who was deported the next year) took my pencil from me and he didn't give it back. That had never happened before. I did everything I knew to do at the time: ask for it back, try to grab it when he wasn't looking, try to trick him.
At the end of class, though, I just had to accept that I'd lost a pencil and changed the way I dealt with the world a little bit. And every time something else happened I toughened up a little bit, changed my view of the world, and moved on with life.
It's difficult to see kids go through hard times and to not be accepted by people. Everyone has to go through those things though. It's just like a baby bird breaking out of its shell. If you help break the shell the bird won't develop its muscles enough to survive. That's why there are so many 30 and 40 year olds playing X-box all day in their underwear.
I very much sympathize with Mikayla's situation. I spent hours doing my own thing growing up, not entirely by choice. At least not initially by choice. It was tough, it was hard, but I developed skills to help deal with it and came out stronger for it.
You may not want to use me as your paradigm of hope, but I think I turned out okay.
So I just wrote a whole long comment about how I was the same way growing up, but there was a network error and it's now all gone. So I'll summarize (since most of it was just filler anyway).
As tough as it is to see kids struggle, they have to go through those things to develop into adults. At some point each of us has to learn to deal with things not going our way.
I still remember when Jose stole my pencil in 5th grade. He just took it. Wouldn't give it back. I did everything I knew how to do to get my pencil back from him, but nothing worked. So, at a certain point, I had to accept it, change the way I handled things in the future, and move on.
Some people are just mean. Some people aren't mean, but they do or say stupid things. There's not one of us that will get through life without getting their feelings hurt. But if we don't experience it while we're young and learn to deal with it we're completely unable to function as adults.
It's like the birds breaking out of their egg shells. If you help them out, they never develop the strength to survive. We all have to go through certain things, and trying to avoid any confrontation in our life keeps us from being able to handle things in the future.
You may not want to take me as your paradigm of hope, but, despite being very similar to Kayla, I think I turned out okay.
I have NO idea what you are talking about. I have never met a cuter little girl in all my life - she has personality plus. And I have never heard anyone be unkind to her. It seems perfectly normal to me that kids Megan's age would not want to 'play' with a younger sister - did you? Not on your life! It's natural and normal - part of growing up. I think it says a lot about Megan (and the things that your children have been taught) that they would let her live in a house down the street and not kick her out all together. It won't take her long to learn what's acceptable and appropriate at school - she's a fast learner and she'll adapt quickly. I see LOTS of different personalities at the school and the teachers seem to handle each one differently and usually very well. Teach her what you think she needs to know and let her blossom on her own. She is (as well as her sisters) unique and adorable. Focus on her strengths and share those freely. Hug her and love her - I know that's what I want to do every time I see her. Maybe Mom needs a time-out. Let us take the girls camping on the 6th of August and enjoy them for a while - while you recharge your batteries.
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